


You don't need to love me

by WritingRevolutionary



Category: Rent (2005), Rent - Larson
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, HIV/AIDS, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Character Death, Past Drug Use, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Post-Rent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27947261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingRevolutionary/pseuds/WritingRevolutionary
Summary: Mark didn't need Roger to love him. Truly, he didn't. As long as Roger was there, safe, with him, clean and taking his AZT and writing songs, then nothing else mattered.
Relationships: April/Roger Davis, Mark Cohen/Roger Davis, Roger Davis/Mimi Marquez
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	You don't need to love me

Mark didn't need Roger to love him. Truly, he didn't. As long as Roger was there, safe, with him, clean and taking his AZT and writing songs, then nothing else mattered. 

It didn't matter that he sometimes took Mark for granted, or that he'd flirt or make out with girls he'd met and the life cafe, or a recent concert. Because it wasn't like him and Mark were anything. Best friends, sure, but nothing more. Sure they'd kissed once, a long time ago. Long before Mimi, or HIV, or heroin, or April. But it hadn't meant anything. Not to Roger at least. But then, at that time nothing mattered much to Roger except his music. Not even Mark. But at least he hadn't pushed Mark away. Not exactly. Hell at first he'd pulled him in, all teeth and tongue, and then Mark had tried to take off Roger's shirt and just like that the spell was broken. And Roger had come to his senses and backed away. Because he didn't like guys that way, right? And Mark was a friend, a good friend. And he couldn't jeopardise that. He needed him. And Mark needed Roger too, so he just sighed, and smiled, and let things go back to normal. 

And then Roger had needed him more than ever, and Mark had come through. Through the HIV diagnosis and the withdrawal, through the death of two girlfriends and an escape to Santa Fe. Every doctor's appointment, every life support meeting, every funeral, Mark was there. And every time he left, Roger returned to NYC. To Mark. And after that Mark was at every protest, every rehearsal, every concert, every party. He was still at every life support meeting. Being needed was enough. Even as their dwindling friendship group pushed them closer together and it became harder to ignore Roger's laugh, his smile, his touches, being needed was enough. 

And if one night, years after the first time, Roger kissed him like he needed Mark to breathe, and Mark let him, then that was ok. If this was what Roger needed then that was fine by Mark. And it didn't hurt that it was what Mark needed too, or that he planned to savour every kiss and touch, because who knew how quickly this might be over, or if it would ever happen again. But then Roger whispered that he needed him, that he wanted him, that he was sorry for everything he'd put Mark through, and that he loved him. And this time, before Mark could respond, Roger took off Mark's shirt and kissed his neck and didn't let go. And despite himself, and although he didn't believe that it was true, Mark let him, not thinking that afterwards it might be more difficult to go back to merely being needed, when he'd caught a glimpse of what it might be like to be loved. 

And afterwards Mark thought that if Roger began needing him like this more often then maybe he could cope. But just as he thought that the man beside him stirred, and soon Roger was smiling up at him, and all thoughts went out the window. And Mark's face fell, as every feeling he'd ever had for Roger, that he'd pushed down for years, began to hammer on his insides, trying to clamber out, and he knew that this time he wouldn't be able to go back to how it was before. And Roger's face mirrored his own when he met Mark’s gaze, and he slowly extricated himself from Mark's limbs, and apologised for the night before, and thanked him, fucking thanked him, before reassuring him that it was ok - Mark didn't need to love him back. 'But I already do'. Mark's mouth spoke the words before his brain could catch up, and Roger just grinned at him and sauntered back to the bed and pulled an extremely stunned Mark in for another kiss. And just like that, Mark had everything he'd ever wanted. Everything he'd ever loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song You Don't Need to Love Me, sung by Anthony Rapp as Lucas from the Musical If/Then: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WOSIercmJI because I feel like it's such a Mark Cohen song, especially when applied to his and Roger's relationship.


End file.
